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the stars are filming us for no one
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|
| the mutt |
[08 Oct 2009|07:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
rasputina- signs of the zodiac |
] |
i have had a productive day today. woke up reasonably early and finally dyed my hair. it's now a lovely light browny red colour which is great for now.
i also managed to plough through the piles of ironing that i've been avoiding since tuesday. perhaps 'procrastinate now' should be my motto? i'm rather good at it but do like feeling productive and getting things done. it makes a day off work seem like a proper day rather than simply empty time.
i suppose the most important accomplishment today however was the picking up of dan's new dog. a woman i work with, denise, has had to get rid of hers because of her husbands allergies and therefore we went round to meet her today. this was, i thought, rather stoic on my part since i consider spending time with people who interrupt you whilst talking and/or dont offer you a hot beverage when you visit their house are, frankly, scummy. anyway, the dog is a 4 year old bitch called lucky although her name might be changed. she's part rottie, part alsation and very very hairy. she needs a little work done since her coat is slightly oily and matted and i suspect she has a touch of mange. however, she is really really lovely and i'm glad i could get her for dan. he really wanted a dog and she'll be good company for him considering the only other inhabitant of his house is a miserable bastard. he has also maintained that just because he has a dog to love, i will still come first. this is reassuring although its a promise which comes with the stipulation that i stop 'prioritising' cordy.
and now i'm back home and actively contemplating a mug of rooibos and honey. theres really nothing like a hot drink at the end of a busy day now is there?
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| stealing pensioners biscuits |
[07 Oct 2009|08:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hungry |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
radiohead- sit down, stand up |
] |
my lovely housemate ben went out last night and gave me his early morning shift. instead of 4 hours on an evening i found myself waking up ridiculously early, wolfing down a mammoth mug of rooibos and heading to the marvellous purple corridors of the cinema. for the next 7 and a half hours.
this entailed catering to the biddies who come to us for 'empire seniors' a lovely little enterprise which involves cheap tickets, a free cup of tea (or coffee) and a custard creme. these biscuits eventually saved the day for me. aside from the ones pilferred by seniors who dont care about the one-biscuit-per-ticket rule, these biscuits were squirrelled away by me and were consumed throughout the day. essentially so that i didn't die of hunger.
*
when i came home i found that gavin had bought me a mars bar mini roll and now i am happy.
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| getting back to "normal" |
[06 Oct 2009|08:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 pensive |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
jack johnson- tomorrow morning |
] |
well, what an unusual month and a half.
there doesn't seem much point in rehashing it here as it's probably mostly only of interest to myself. however, you can't quite ecape the highlights i'm afraid. now sit still and shut up (joke...sort of).
my housemate, ben, managed to get me a job at the cinema so i can now see films for free and get burned by nacho cheese alot. the downside is that i have no seen any money from this yet.
i also do the p.r. work for savannah which is alright but does not pay well. or, in fact, at all. i get five pints a night in exchange for my parading the streets and being called a whore alot.
in a strange turn of events i have found myself in a relationship with dan. this is nice and i am quite happy. however, his dad is a bit of a (dare i say it?) cunt (seems like i do) who also has lung cancer and therefore things are starting to get a little weird.
oh and also i am now, as ever, completely broke. the kind of broke where you cant afford a mars bar which is a shame when you consider that chocolate often lends itself to adversity.
plus my dad phoned me up to tell me that im getting fat so he and i are not speaking for awhile.
now that dan has settled into his own place and i have time on my hands, this month is all about settling into a routine. i still have not made the leap between student and adult and kind of feel i should start making the effort.
or perhaps ill just watch how i met your mother on the internet.
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| so heres the deal... |
[04 Aug 2009|07:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 worried |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
pj harvey and thom yorke- this mess we're in |
] |
dan and his just-diagnosed-with-lung-cancer father have just been thrown out of their house because his dad's a twat and has been chasing women other than his girlfreind. therefore they have been thrown out, and are currently driving over to sunderland. dan is then going to stay with me until he gets a place sorted.
....
...i did not sign up for this. no, not even in the slightest. but i am, without a shadow of a doubt, still a people pleaser and i know that it's the right thing to do. you know, letting him interrupt my life and all.
i dont know how long he's staying but hopefully he'll get something sorted soon. im not ready to live with someone else again just yet.
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| green eyed graduation monster |
[17 Jul 2009|08:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cranky |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
nouvelle vague- heart of glass |
] |
so everyone else i know has graduated now. but not me. despite an almost lifelong dream of throwing that stupid looking hat in the air (and despite knowing that that really doesnt happen in britain), i found myself celebrating with and for everyone with a somewhat bitter taste in my mouth.
sure i have the grades. just not that day. that one day that would have told me that the whole ordeal, especially everything i went through last year, was worth it.
i am jealous and yes, im not afraid to admit it.
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| homemaking |
[12 Jul 2009|07:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 determined |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
roxette- she's got the look |
] |
as of today my room is habitable. i would go as far as to say that it's quite a pleasent environment to be in, especialy as its now possible to see the floor should you so wish (and please, if you're ever dropping by, feel free to examine the carpet. its quite pretty).
all there is left to do is to find some way to transfix my mirror to the inside of the wardrobe and purchase some dvd shelves. these, of course, shall by red and black, in keeping with the colour scheme set by my duvet cover. i also wish to get a rug and perhaps some of those generic canvas paintings (any ornaments would be a lost cause considering the carnage a small kitten is capable of creating).
in short, im creating a place for myself to live and potentially work and it would probably go a bit smoother if i had some money with which to do it.
gone are the days of careening from point to point, person to person, house to house. this is home now and its time to settle. at least for awhile.
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| stupid girl projects |
[11 Jul 2009|07:08pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
eve 6- anytime |
] |
i would be lying if i said that i had the luxury of time and money. my current unemployment has actually put me in quite a predicament and whilst i am aware that my time would be best spent in the search of gainful employment, i also recognise the importance of rooftop picnics with my housemates. today what also seemed vital was the completion of a certain book.
now, if you're anything like me, you like a good laugh and danny wallace provedes me with them in bucketloads. not to imply that he comes round with a bucket once-daily and says "here you go ruby, have some laughs" or anything. that would be weird. no, what he does do is provide me with exceedingly funny books based around his stupid boy projects. in point of fact i wish he would stop writing them for a bit and let me catch up financially. in case you dont know who he is, danny wallace is the author of yes man, which was made into the same-titled jim carey vehicle. i refuse to watch it.
he has also written join me which is based upon his accidental cult and had me giggling inanely on the bus all the way from sunderland to york. undetterred by the concerned looks from pensioners and small children, i learned about the formation of his collective. join me is based on good deeds and random acts of kindness every friday and has joinees from all around the world. it is also a very good idea. i wish i'd thought of it, but then again, who on earth would ever think that placing an ad saying simply "join me" would work.
anyway, it got me thinking about how i could use my time of unemployed destitution effectively.
now i'm not pretending that i could become a cult leader or fly around the world saying yes to everything (although i say yes to a hell of a lot more things after reading the book). but you'd think that there'd be something i could do that would enable me to both meet people and reach an improbable goal. especially if meeting it meant that somebody gave me a pint at the end of it.
in point of fact, this free time has led me to the following conclusion. there are no jobs so im more or less forced to make my own employment. this means either dedicating myself to fulltime writing and hoping for the best. or soup. yeah, i make quality soup, but is it enough? this morning im hopefully getting a buisness plan drawn up for me so we shall see.
either way, its time to take matters into my own hands. time to see what i can do with my life.
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| dolescum |
[04 Jul 2009|06:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
fr8- days long dead |
] |
today i signed on. whilst not consumed with shame i'm not precicely filled with joy at the prospect of suddenly being dolescum. on the plus side, aspire (a bar in town) has a supervisor job going which i know i could do. otherwise id be happy to just do barwork. but supervisor would be awesome. barwork is very easy, well in comparison to codebreaker i suppose.....and its also fun.
*
i met someone.....his name is dan and i worked with him in the borough last year before he moved down south to worksop. we've been chatting on facebook since he moved though and last weekend he came for a visit and we started what i can only assume is a 'wait and see if we're seeing eachother' sort of deal.
he might be moving back to sunderland you see and he's definately coming to see me and cordy in a few weeks time :) im very excited. i think he's said the greatest thing to me of all time. "strange but intelligent, attractive and amazing" about sums it up dont you think?
anyway, we've been chatting almost nonstop since he had to go home on monday and i've got the new "relationship" butterflies. hope things work out....oh god, he's probably emotionally stunted. right now though it's only his spelling and grammer that are an issue.
*
my room is coming along nicely. i chose not to clean too much today, deciding to lay out in the sun reading pride and prejudice and zombies then falling asleep with the cat instead. she's very cute but it is like having a small child. i sleep when she sleeps.
*
oh! in other news, im still recovering from a sordid night on thursday from which i emerged with a hangover and very questionable bruising. that was bad. i still feel ill. might it be the shame? if it is i'm growing as a person.
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| where i have been the last month |
[02 Jul 2009|09:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
stressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
coldplay- violet hill |
] |
moved house a suitcase a day to a really lovely place round the corner.
got a kitten called cordy who is toby's little sister and a real firecracker. i love her.
got a new job in a call centre trying to sell edf energy.
have been going out many many nights and going home with many many people. this has been unadvisable.
met someone though.
who doesnt live in sunderland but may relocate.
lost the horrible job.
am now so broke that i dont have anything to my name and may have to eat the cat.
it was also my birthday.
sorry i havnt been in touch, it's just been a fairly dramatic time for me. hope things work out. needless to say im a little worried.
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| a burst of bile. |
[30 May 2009|09:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
hungry |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the stone roses- sally cinnamon |
] |
my ex is unnameable badness and has apparently scratched one of my buffy dvds. apparently this does not warrent revenge in the form of telling katie that her girlfreind and deb are having a relationship behind her back. but it warrents something. perhaps the theft of the cat? random acts of voodoo? either way i'm fucked off and have had to order season 4 all over again. pah!
*
in other news, i'm getting myself a kitten for my birthday. and calling it yuri.
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| right then |
[29 May 2009|08:17pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 itchy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
something jazzy |
] |
i have sorted out my new house and start moving in on monday.
i have also found a job to pay for said house and start on...eep...monday. this wont be so bad, im getting a lift with some of my stuff after my shift.
so what's occupying my time for the next amount of whenever? i am now officially a call centre monkey. i will sell edf to people who no longer want it. i will take abuse, make sales and, if the guy who's conversation i listened in on is anything to go by, shout "cunt!" a lot.
not sure how i feel about such a tedious job but since it's my first forfay into full time employment i expect i shall forbear.
*
so today i enjoyed my last remaining free weekday by going to the beach, having a waterfight and eating leftover indian food with a glass of wine. later on is britains got talent and then ill get an early night. magic.
*
i cant wait to move into the new house. it's going to be quite manic but worth it to finally be in a proper place. and on saturday, fingers crossed, ill be able to get a kitten. perhaps ill wait till my birthday though seeing as it'll take a while to get properly settled and i want to be able to take care of the thing properly. all my energy can therefore be dedicated to not calling it mr miowgi and shouting wax on wax off in its general direction.
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| what if? |
[22 May 2009|08:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
gob- break |
] |
today has been mildly productive in that bittersweet angsty way that sometimes occurrs for those with an overdramatic mind.
i jogged almost the entire way round the park, something that i never thought i'd be able to do two weeks ago. that was awesome. i've already lost 3 pounds with this fitness regime and can fit back into my size 10 jeans. indeed i can look at myself naked in a full length mirror without having to wipe the projectile vomit off afterwards. that, to me, is what i'd term success. and what's more, i'm having fun.
i have also been asked to participate in something very exciting. someone i barely know but who is connected to the borough (in some way) is my freind on facebook. i added him on a whim and, as luck would have it, he has a lot to do with rock the north, an organisation that deals with loads of music in the north east. they are having an event on monday and i offerred to review it for the forum. this means that i'll have an access all areas pass and get to see everything that goes on on the day. it's truly exciting and hopefully will lead to more jobs. the guy might also give me a free counting crows ticket and i might get to see and interview them. this would be an awesome opportunity and something which could tempt me to promptly fall down dead with a smile on my face.
for the rest of the day...nothing exciting. i've been raiding the internet job sites looking for call centre jobs. so easy a monkey could do it but so soul crushing that the windows probably dont open fully. either way, money is money and i desperately need some. i've actually had a call back already and i have a phone interview for bt on tuesday. this is cool since james works there and it'll be good to see a freindly face. it also means i'll know what to expect in the interview.
i need this money because it is £100 extra a month on my rent to have a cat. and i think i need to have one. the reason for this is simple. although i like the people i'm going to be moving in with, i'm not sure how well i'm going to fit in with them all yet. and i think i'd like some live comfort. plus i'd sort of gotten used to having one (well, three) about.
so many things have been set in motion which is good. i have, however, spent the entire day contemplating that perrenial mood-destroyer; what if? what if i had had the courage to break up with deb when i had planned on it? when i had found all those texts detailing how much she didn't particularly like me? what if i hadn't felt such a degree of shame that i kept quiet, out of fear that somehow all this was my fault and therefore i had to make it better? i would almost certainly have moved into the house i'm in now. in my head i'd have toby with me (because in my head, him being with me would have kept him alive). i would have never tried to take my own life and therefore wouldnt have been given that inexplicable leave of absence that has meant that university does not think i've been in since last october (this is jeapordising graduation seeing as my tutor- who could fix this- has gone awol and wont answer her phone or reply to my emails). i would certainly have my job at the borough and be making enough to get by on.
however, all this is useless and thinking about it is making me miserable. frankly.
so i would rather concentrate on the fact that i have a wonderful new tattoo that i love (the pictures will follow once it's healed properly) and so many new opportunities. i move into my new house in just over a week and i might have a new job lined up.
plus...its buskers night on tuesday and a certain person will almost certainly be there.....
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| just a very quick note to say that; |
[21 May 2009|09:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
surprised |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the eels- flower |
] |
earlier today i handed in the last ever assignment for the last ever module of my furhter education.
uni is over.
weird.
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| academic yes |
[20 May 2009|08:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 pleased |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the androids- pull me apart |
] |
there is not a lot to say about today. i finished the body of my essay. that's just under 2500 words on a subject i know nothing about written in under 24 hours. i rock. i also have a newfound respect for ang lee; his films are breathtaking. i watched eat sleep man woman yesterday and it made me hungrier than anything. it was also lovely to see how food could be used as an expression of love (although at the expense of other, clearly sublimated, desires).
there are only the quotes to do which i'm planning on doing on my laptops wizard tomorrow, shortly before the submission time.
*
i therefore spent a lovely lazy afternoon sitting in the sun and reading tipping the velvet. and then ate soup. and tonight? tonight i plan on doing absolutely nothing. it'll be great.
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| please dont take my picture, its been a bad day. |
[19 May 2009|08:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
aggravated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
auf der maur- i need i want i will |
] |
are you aware, man in the library, that people have deadlines? are you? huh? fair enough, some of us are only just discovering ang lee's work two days before the deadline and will presumably just scrape a pass but nevertheless. that pass must still be obtained! man in the library, are you aware that pulling burger after burger after chip after chip out of your tardis like mcdonalds bag and talking loudly on the phone about your family drama is not what i need to be listening to? i do not need to know that you are "pissed as a fart". in fact, i'm planning on killing you.
.....
..the pressures of university are starting to get to me.
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| chiquitos chiquitos, taco's and burritos |
[18 May 2009|09:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
headachy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
oleander- goodbye |
] |
i am outrageously poor right now. i owe my landlord £500 and my new landlord £200. i need to pay bills. oh, and also eat. i just shelled out £300 on sorting out going to rockness this june. it's a festival by loch ness and both the flaming lips and placebo are playing. it's hopefully going to be so much fun :D.
so instead of formulating an action plan i have taken this weekend off all the stress and general worry. its sort of worked too. i spent saturday enjoying quiet persuits such as doing the ironing, watching cats making funny noises on youtube and playing pokemon on the ds. then came eurovision and the drink....and we shall say no more on that subject. bloody germany! all i can say is that i shouldnt have gone to sleep because of the many times i banged my head or had things (an ironing board and the iron) fall ontop of it. i've got hideous lumps all over my head two days later. it's not good.
sunday was therefore spent feeling atrocious and headachy. oh, and also worried since my period started and then....stopped. (sorry to provide you with too much information there). think that's all going to be ok though. it's sporadic but it's undoubtedly...there.
and today ana and i ventured to that wonderous land, the metrocentre. i was looking for a hat similar to kirsten dunst's in elizabethtown but it was hard to shop with another person (it always is for some reason) so we wondered round for awhile and purchased some fancy chocolate. im actually sitting eating some spiced orange ones now which has orange granache and chilli in it. yummy. i also got cherry fusion, another chilli and orange and peaches and mongoes. and me not even a chocolate fan. damn those free tasters. theyre like crack.
we then went and ate at chiquitos which is the scrummyest mexican resturaunt ever. their citrus pork fajias are incredible.
and here i am, after much potterring. tomorrow will be busy but i feel marginally refreshed. hooray for me.
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| going away (dont worry, this is a poem, not an action plan) |
[07 May 2009|09:17pm] |
this will take some time i know. this chance,
so easily taken, could just easily be lost. so
i make lists. endless streams of fear and hope all
wrapped up with a dot.
a letter for the milkman.
perhaps i'll fly there. i've always been scared
of falling though (the landing bit is easy).
i think. perhaps a boat. my ship of fools,
all headed towards promises. you cannot be
lost on a boat.
when i get there i will change my watch
and try not to breathe too loudly.
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| era ending |
[07 May 2009|08:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
motivated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
placebo- meds |
] |
today was my last ever 'lecture' for gender studies. that's it. no more.
this makes me very sad, not least because the end of university signals the ending of my safety zome. the pressures of a recession blighted society and imminent adulthood are upon me and i'ts, well, daunting.
i am also aware that i will probably no longer be able to have critical discussions with people about gender issues without coming across as either a) smater/more liberal-than-thou or b) a moral crusader (on a side note; i have stopped talking to jaz temporarily because she called isis from cycle 11 of america's next top model "it" and i dont think thats an acceptable term to refer to another human being as. it's nearsighted and frnkly some of the things she said were bogoted twaddle).
i will miss alice, lucy and yasmin very much indeed. we have had some amazing laughs and they have helped to make me feel almost normal. yas and i got quite emotional towards the end although, happy to say, there were no actual tears.
also there was no chocolate distrubeted which i feel was a genuine mistake on shiela's part.
*
i really want to be able to afford a rock festival by loch ness but unhappily i dont think my kidneys will go for quite that much on the black market.
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| i like it like that |
[02 May 2009|06:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
death cab for cutie- lightness |
] |
today has been about as productive as a nun in a porno. seriously. not that i advocate nuns in the adult industry, in fact i almost admire their dedication. plus i hear that black is very slimming.
but thats besides the point. i have more to blog about than a couple of frisky sisters. well at least i hope so.
i could tell you about yesterday which consisted of drinking so many energy drinks that ana, sam and i ended up wandering the streets, alternately wired off our faces or crashing in corners.
i could tell you about laying in bed today playing spore, a sinister and addictive little game which requires the player to dedicate many would-be-productive hours to the safegaurding of a caterpillar-like cartoon blob who might otherwise be eaten by feindish yellow shapes with big teeth.
i could tell you about my tea but frankly even i am not that bored.
but no, instead of a detailed run down of everything i put in my pasta, i am writing to inform you all that the highlight, the absolute pinnacle of my day, was discovering the name of the song which plays during the adverts in odeon cinemas across the country.
and then completely failing to find it on limewire.
for your edification i have decided to include this song on this very entry. simply because i can. i hope you enjoy it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XU8Yesm6sAc
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| mild exhaustion. |
[26 Apr 2009|07:12pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 exhausted |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the transplants- gorgeous |
] |
ok, so my thyroid is fucked. it's taken a right bashing this week and i'm functioning on a low level of exhaustion. luckily it hasn't been as bad today as it has been but i can sense that i only have an hour or two left before i have to take a nap. this is obviously tricky as i dont want to miss csi sunday.
however, i did accomplish something today. i've done all my ironing which is nice because i've been missing my jeans. they've been waiting to go through the wash for a week or so now and so i've had to live in skirts. this requires a touch more ladylike elegance than i currently posess.
i've also got most of the way through one of my essays. theres only the finishing analysis of brokeback mountain to go. i'm pleased because theres only so much you can waffle on about. im more or less writing the phrase "naturalised homosexual conduct" over and over again in avious formations.
*
theres not much else going on to be honest. i've found a house for next year but im a bit nervous because its with dani and her freinds and im not that close to them. and it means letting down ana. but northampton is very far away and this way apparently we can get a kitten between us all. i'd like that. theres nothing like a kitten about the house to make you feel cozy.
*
i finished watching into the wild today and christopher mccandless is my new hero. not to say that im going to travel to alaska to go live in a bus or anything (it'd be far too cold), i just like some of his ideals and the amount of the world that he got to see.
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i_rememberme's journal