warming her pearls

the mutt

2009-10-08T18:57:23Z

i have had a productive day today. woke up reasonably early and finally dyed my hair. it's now a lovely light browny red colour which is great for now.
i also managed to plough through the piles of ironing that i've been avoiding since tuesday. perhaps 'procrastinate now' should be my motto? i'm rather good at it but do like feeling productive and getting things done. it makes a day off work seem like a proper day rather than simply empty time.
i suppose the most important accomplishment today however was the picking up of dan's new dog. a woman i work with, denise, has had to get rid of hers because of her husbands allergies and therefore we went round to meet her today. this was, i thought, rather stoic on my part since i consider spending time with people who interrupt you whilst talking and/or dont offer you a hot beverage when you visit their house are, frankly, scummy. anyway, the dog is a 4 year old bitch called lucky although her name might be changed. she's part rottie, part alsation and very very hairy. she needs a little work done since her coat is slightly oily and matted and i suspect she has a touch of mange. however, she is really really lovely and i'm glad i could get her for dan. he really wanted a dog and she'll be good company for him considering the only other inhabitant of his house is a miserable bastard. he has also maintained that just because he has a dog to love, i will still come first. this is reassuring although its a promise which comes with the stipulation that i stop 'prioritising' cordy.
and now i'm back home and actively contemplating a mug of rooibos and honey. theres really nothing like a hot drink at the end of a busy day now is there?

stealing pensioners biscuits

2009-10-07T19:28:20Z

my lovely housemate ben went out last night and gave me his early morning shift. instead of 4 hours on an evening i found myself waking up ridiculously early, wolfing down a mammoth mug of rooibos and heading to the marvellous purple corridors of the cinema. for the next 7 and a half hours.
this entailed catering to the biddies who come to us for 'empire seniors' a lovely little enterprise which involves cheap tickets, a free cup of tea (or coffee) and a custard creme. these biscuits eventually saved the day for me. aside from the ones pilferred by seniors who dont care about the one-biscuit-per-ticket rule, these biscuits were squirrelled away by me and were consumed throughout the day. essentially so that i didn't die of hunger.
*
when i came home i found that gavin had bought me a mars bar mini roll and now i am happy.

getting back to "normal"

2009-10-06T19:15:15Z

well, what an unusual month and a half.
there doesn't seem much point in rehashing it here as it's probably mostly only of interest to myself. however, you can't quite ecape the highlights i'm afraid. now sit still and shut up (joke...sort of).
my housemate, ben, managed to get me a job at the cinema so i can now see films for free and get burned by nacho cheese alot. the downside is that i have no seen any money from this yet.
i also do the p.r. work for savannah which is alright but does not pay well. or, in fact, at all. i get five pints a night in exchange for my parading the streets and being called a whore alot.
in a strange turn of events i have found myself in a relationship with dan. this is nice and i am quite happy. however, his dad is a bit of a (dare i say it?) cunt (seems like i do) who also has lung cancer and therefore things are starting to get a little weird.
oh and also i am now, as ever, completely broke. the kind of broke where you cant afford a mars bar which is a shame when you consider that chocolate often lends itself to adversity.
plus my dad phoned me up to tell me that im getting fat so he and i are not speaking for awhile.

now that dan has settled into his own place and i have time on my hands, this month is all about settling into a routine. i still have not made the leap between student and adult and kind of feel i should start making the effort.
or perhaps ill just watch how i met your mother on the internet.

so heres the deal...

2009-08-04T18:25:35Z

dan and his just-diagnosed-with-lung-cancer father have just been thrown out of their house because his dad's a twat and has been chasing women other than his girlfreind. therefore they have been thrown out, and are currently driving over to sunderland. dan is then going to stay with me until he gets a place sorted.
....
...i did not sign up for this. no, not even in the slightest. but i am, without a shadow of a doubt, still a people pleaser and i know that it's the right thing to do. you know, letting him interrupt my life and all.
i dont know how long he's staying but hopefully he'll get something sorted soon. im not ready to live with someone else again just yet.

green eyed graduation monster

2009-07-17T19:57:10Z

so everyone else i know has graduated now. but not me. despite an almost lifelong dream of throwing that stupid looking hat in the air (and despite knowing that that really doesnt happen in britain), i found myself celebrating with and for everyone with a somewhat bitter taste in my mouth.
sure i have the grades. just not that day. that one day that would have told me that the whole ordeal, especially everything i went through last year, was worth it.
i am jealous and yes, im not afraid to admit it.

homemaking

2009-07-12T18:45:54Z

as of today my room is habitable. i would go as far as to say that it's quite a pleasent environment to be in, especialy as its now possible to see the floor should you so wish (and please, if you're ever dropping by, feel free to examine the carpet. its quite pretty).
all there is left to do is to find some way to transfix my mirror to the inside of the wardrobe and purchase some dvd shelves. these, of course, shall by red and black, in keeping with the colour scheme set by my duvet cover. i also wish to get a rug and perhaps some of those generic canvas paintings (any ornaments would be a lost cause considering the carnage a small kitten is capable of creating).
in short, im creating a place for myself to live and potentially work and it would probably go a bit smoother if i had some money with which to do it.
gone are the days of careening from point to point, person to person, house to house. this is home now and its time to settle. at least for awhile.

stupid girl projects

2009-07-11T18:56:45Z

i would be lying if i said that i had the luxury of time and money. my current unemployment has actually put me in quite a predicament and whilst i am aware that my time would be best spent in the search of gainful employment, i also recognise the importance of rooftop picnics with my housemates. today what also seemed vital was the completion of a certain book.
now, if you're anything like me, you like a good laugh and danny wallace provedes me with them in bucketloads. not to imply that he comes round with a bucket once-daily and says "here you go ruby, have some laughs" or anything. that would be weird. no, what he does do is provide me with exceedingly funny books based around his stupid boy projects. in point of fact i wish he would stop writing them for a bit and let me catch up financially. in case you dont know who he is, danny wallace is the author of yes man, which was made into the same-titled jim carey vehicle. i refuse to watch it.
he has also written join me which is based upon his accidental cult and had me giggling inanely on the bus all the way from sunderland to york. undetterred by the concerned looks from pensioners and small children, i learned about the formation of his collective. join me is based on good deeds and random acts of kindness every friday and has joinees from all around the world. it is also a very good idea. i wish i'd thought of it, but then again, who on earth would ever think that placing an ad saying simply "join me" would work.
anyway, it got me thinking about how i could use my time of unemployed destitution effectively.
now i'm not pretending that i could become a cult leader or fly around the world saying yes to everything (although i say yes to a hell of a lot more things after reading the book). but you'd think that there'd be something i could do that would enable me to both meet people and reach an improbable goal. especially if meeting it meant that somebody gave me a pint at the end of it.

in point of fact, this free time has led me to the following conclusion. there are no jobs so im more or less forced to make my own employment. this means either dedicating myself to fulltime writing and hoping for the best. or soup. yeah, i make quality soup, but is it enough? this morning im hopefully getting a buisness plan drawn up for me so we shall see.

either way, its time to take matters into my own hands. time to see what i can do with my life.

dolescum

2009-07-04T17:41:35Z

today i signed on. whilst not consumed with shame i'm not precicely filled with joy at the prospect of suddenly being dolescum. on the plus side, aspire (a bar in town) has a supervisor job going which i know i could do. otherwise id be happy to just do barwork. but supervisor would be awesome. barwork is very easy, well in comparison to codebreaker i suppose.....and its also fun.
*
i met someone.....his name is dan and i worked with him in the borough last year before he moved down south to worksop. we've been chatting on facebook since he moved though and last weekend he came for a visit and we started what i can only assume is a 'wait and see if we're seeing eachother' sort of deal.
he might be moving back to sunderland you see and he's definately coming to see me and cordy in a few weeks time :) im very excited. i think he's said the greatest thing to me of all time. "strange but intelligent, attractive and amazing" about sums it up dont you think?
anyway, we've been chatting almost nonstop since he had to go home on monday and i've got the new "relationship" butterflies. hope things work out....oh god, he's probably emotionally stunted. right now though it's only his spelling and grammer that are an issue.
*
my room is coming along nicely. i chose not to clean too much today, deciding to lay out in the sun reading pride and prejudice and zombies then falling asleep with the cat instead. she's very cute but it is like having a small child. i sleep when she sleeps.
*
oh! in other news, im still recovering from a sordid night on thursday from which i emerged with a hangover and very questionable bruising. that was bad. i still feel ill. might it be the shame? if it is i'm growing as a person.

where i have been the last month

2009-07-02T20:53:52Z

moved house a suitcase a day to a really lovely place round the corner.
got a kitten called cordy who is toby's little sister and a real firecracker. i love her.
got a new job in a call centre trying to sell edf energy.
have been going out many many nights and going home with many many people. this has been unadvisable.
met someone though.
who doesnt live in sunderland but may relocate.
lost the horrible job.
am now so broke that i dont have anything to my name and may have to eat the cat.

it was also my birthday.

sorry i havnt been in touch, it's just been a fairly dramatic time for me. hope things work out. needless to say im a little worried.

a burst of bile.

2009-05-30T20:28:40Z

my ex is unnameable badness and has apparently scratched one of my buffy dvds. apparently this does not warrent revenge in the form of telling katie that her girlfreind and deb are having a relationship behind her back. but it warrents something. perhaps the theft of the cat? random acts of voodoo? either way i'm fucked off and have had to order season 4 all over again. pah!
*
in other news, i'm getting myself a kitten for my birthday. and calling it yuri.

right then

2009-05-29T19:25:13Z

i have sorted out my new house and start moving in on monday.
i have also found a job to pay for said house and start on...eep...monday. this wont be so bad, im getting a lift with some of my stuff after my shift.
so what's occupying my time for the next amount of whenever? i am now officially a call centre monkey. i will sell edf to people who no longer want it. i will take abuse, make sales and, if the guy who's conversation i listened in on is anything to go by, shout "cunt!" a lot.
not sure how i feel about such a tedious job but since it's my first forfay into full time employment i expect i shall forbear.
*
so today i enjoyed my last remaining free weekday by going to the beach, having a waterfight and eating leftover indian food with a glass of wine. later on is britains got talent and then ill get an early night. magic.
*
i cant wait to move into the new house. it's going to be quite manic but worth it to finally be in a proper place. and on saturday, fingers crossed, ill be able to get a kitten. perhaps ill wait till my birthday though seeing as it'll take a while to get properly settled and i want to be able to take care of the thing properly. all my energy can therefore be dedicated to not calling it mr miowgi and shouting wax on wax off in its general direction.

what if?

2009-05-22T20:08:51Z

today has been mildly productive in that bittersweet angsty way that sometimes occurrs for those with an overdramatic mind.
i jogged almost the entire way round the park, something that i never thought i'd be able to do two weeks ago. that was awesome. i've already lost 3 pounds with this fitness regime and can fit back into my size 10 jeans. indeed i can look at myself naked in a full length mirror without having to wipe the projectile vomit off afterwards. that, to me, is what i'd term success. and what's more, i'm having fun.

i have also been asked to participate in something very exciting. someone i barely know but who is connected to the borough (in some way) is my freind on facebook. i added him on a whim and, as luck would have it, he has a lot to do with rock the north, an organisation that deals with loads of music in the north east. they are having an event on monday and i offerred to review it for the forum. this means that i'll have an access all areas pass and get to see everything that goes on on the day. it's truly exciting and hopefully will lead to more jobs. the guy might also give me a free counting crows ticket and i might get to see and interview them. this would be an awesome opportunity and something which could tempt me to promptly fall down dead with a smile on my face.

for the rest of the day...nothing exciting. i've been raiding the internet job sites looking for call centre jobs. so easy a monkey could do it but so soul crushing that the windows probably dont open fully. either way, money is money and i desperately need some. i've actually had a call back already and i have a phone interview for bt on tuesday. this is cool since james works there and it'll be good to see a freindly face. it also means i'll know what to expect in the interview.
i need this money because it is £100 extra a month on my rent to have a cat. and i think i need to have one. the reason for this is simple. although i like the people i'm going to be moving in with, i'm not sure how well i'm going to fit in with them all yet. and i think i'd like some live comfort. plus i'd sort of gotten used to having one (well, three) about.

so many things have been set in motion which is good. i have, however, spent the entire day contemplating that perrenial mood-destroyer; what if? what if i had had the courage to break up with deb when i had planned on it? when i had found all those texts detailing how much she didn't particularly like me? what if i hadn't felt such a degree of shame that i kept quiet, out of fear that somehow all this was my fault and therefore i had to make it better? i would almost certainly have moved into the house i'm in now. in my head i'd have toby with me (because in my head, him being with me would have kept him alive). i would have never tried to take my own life and therefore wouldnt have been given that inexplicable leave of absence that has meant that university does not think i've been in since last october (this is jeapordising graduation seeing as my tutor- who could fix this- has gone awol and wont answer her phone or reply to my emails). i would certainly have my job at the borough and be making enough to get by on.
however, all this is useless and thinking about it is making me miserable. frankly.

so i would rather concentrate on the fact that i have a wonderful new tattoo that i love (the pictures will follow once it's healed properly) and so many new opportunities. i move into my new house in just over a week and i might have a new job lined up.
plus...its buskers night on tuesday and a certain person will almost certainly be there.....

just a very quick note to say that;

2009-05-21T20:59:57Z

earlier today i handed in the last ever assignment for the last ever module of my furhter education.
uni is over.
weird.

academic yes

2009-05-20T19:08:56Z

there is not a lot to say about today. i finished the body of my essay. that's just under 2500 words on a subject i know nothing about written in under 24 hours. i rock. i also have a newfound respect for ang lee; his films are breathtaking. i watched eat sleep man woman yesterday and it made me hungrier than anything. it was also lovely to see how food could be used as an expression of love (although at the expense of other, clearly sublimated, desires).
there are only the quotes to do which i'm planning on doing on my laptops wizard tomorrow, shortly before the submission time.
*
i therefore spent a lovely lazy afternoon sitting in the sun and reading tipping the velvet. and then ate soup. and tonight? tonight i plan on doing absolutely nothing. it'll be great.

please dont take my picture, its been a bad day.

2009-05-19T19:15:58Z

are you aware, man in the library, that people have deadlines? are you? huh? fair enough, some of us are only just discovering ang lee's work two days before the deadline and will presumably just scrape a pass but nevertheless. that pass must still be obtained! man in the library, are you aware that pulling burger after burger after chip after chip out of your tardis like mcdonalds bag and talking loudly on the phone about your family drama is not what i need to be listening to? i do not need to know that you are "pissed as a fart". in fact, i'm planning on killing you.
.....
..the pressures of university are starting to get to me.

chiquitos chiquitos, taco's and burritos

2009-05-18T20:52:01Z

i am outrageously poor right now. i owe my landlord £500 and my new landlord £200. i need to pay bills. oh, and also eat. i just shelled out £300 on sorting out going to rockness this june. it's a festival by loch ness and both the flaming lips and placebo are playing. it's hopefully going to be so much fun :D.

so instead of formulating an action plan i have taken this weekend off all the stress and general worry. its sort of worked too. i spent saturday enjoying quiet persuits such as doing the ironing, watching cats making funny noises on youtube and playing pokemon on the ds. then came eurovision and the drink....and we shall say no more on that subject. bloody germany! all i can say is that i shouldnt have gone to sleep because of the many times i banged my head or had things (an ironing board and the iron) fall ontop of it. i've got hideous lumps all over my head two days later. it's not good.

sunday was therefore spent feeling atrocious and headachy. oh, and also worried since my period started and then....stopped. (sorry to provide you with too much information there). think that's all going to be ok though. it's sporadic but it's undoubtedly...there.

and today ana and i ventured to that wonderous land, the metrocentre. i was looking for a hat similar to kirsten dunst's in elizabethtown but it was hard to shop with another person (it always is for some reason) so we wondered round for awhile and purchased some fancy chocolate. im actually sitting eating some spiced orange ones now which has orange granache and chilli in it. yummy. i also got cherry fusion, another chilli and orange and peaches and mongoes. and me not even a chocolate fan. damn those free tasters. theyre like crack.
we then went and ate at chiquitos which is the scrummyest mexican resturaunt ever. their citrus pork fajias are incredible.

and here i am, after much potterring. tomorrow will be busy but i feel marginally refreshed. hooray for me.

going away (dont worry, this is a poem, not an action plan)

2009-05-07T20:20:37Z

this will take some time i know. this chance,
so easily taken, could just easily be lost. so
i make lists. endless streams of fear and hope all
wrapped up with a dot.
a letter for the milkman.

perhaps i'll fly there. i've always been scared
of falling though (the landing bit is easy).
i think. perhaps a boat. my ship of fools,
all headed towards promises. you cannot be
lost on a boat.

when i get there i will change my watch
and try not to breathe too loudly.

era ending

2009-05-07T19:16:17Z

today was my last ever 'lecture' for gender studies. that's it. no more.
this makes me very sad, not least because the end of university signals the ending of my safety zome. the pressures of a recession blighted society and imminent adulthood are upon me and i'ts, well, daunting.
i am also aware that i will probably no longer be able to have critical discussions with people about gender issues without coming across as either a) smater/more liberal-than-thou or b) a moral crusader (on a side note; i have stopped talking to jaz temporarily because she called isis from cycle 11 of america's next top model "it" and i dont think thats an acceptable term to refer to another human being as. it's nearsighted and frnkly some of the things she said were bogoted twaddle).
i will miss alice, lucy and yasmin very much indeed. we have had some amazing laughs and they have helped to make me feel almost normal. yas and i got quite emotional towards the end although, happy to say, there were no actual tears.

also there was no chocolate distrubeted which i feel was a genuine mistake on shiela's part.

*

i really want to be able to afford a rock festival by loch ness but unhappily i dont think my kidneys will go for quite that much on the black market.

i like it like that

2009-05-02T18:36:25Z

today has been about as productive as a nun in a porno. seriously. not that i advocate nuns in the adult industry, in fact i almost admire their dedication. plus i hear that black is very slimming.
but thats besides the point. i have more to blog about than a couple of frisky sisters. well at least i hope so.

i could tell you about yesterday which consisted of drinking so many energy drinks that ana, sam and i ended up wandering the streets, alternately wired off our faces or crashing in corners.

i could tell you about laying in bed today playing spore, a sinister and addictive little game which requires the player to dedicate many would-be-productive hours to the safegaurding of a caterpillar-like cartoon blob who might otherwise be eaten by feindish yellow shapes with big teeth.

i could tell you about my tea but frankly even i am not that bored.

but no, instead of a detailed run down of everything i put in my pasta, i am writing to inform you all that the highlight, the absolute pinnacle of my day, was discovering the name of the song which plays during the adverts in odeon cinemas across the country.
and then completely failing to find it on limewire.

for your edification i have decided to include this song on this very entry. simply because i can. i hope you enjoy it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XU8Yesm6sAc

mild exhaustion.

2009-04-26T18:26:52Z

ok, so my thyroid is fucked. it's taken a right bashing this week and i'm functioning on a low level of exhaustion. luckily it hasn't been as bad today as it has been but i can sense that i only have an hour or two left before i have to take a nap. this is obviously tricky as i dont want to miss csi sunday.
however, i did accomplish something today. i've done all my ironing which is nice because i've been missing my jeans. they've been waiting to go through the wash for a week or so now and so i've had to live in skirts. this requires a touch more ladylike elegance than i currently posess.
i've also got most of the way through one of my essays. theres only the finishing analysis of brokeback mountain to go. i'm pleased because theres only so much you can waffle on about. im more or less writing the phrase "naturalised homosexual conduct" over and over again in avious formations.
*
theres not much else going on to be honest. i've found a house for next year but im a bit nervous because its with dani and her freinds and im not that close to them. and it means letting down ana. but northampton is very far away and this way apparently we can get a kitten between us all. i'd like that. theres nothing like a kitten about the house to make you feel cozy.
*
i finished watching into the wild today and christopher mccandless is my new hero. not to say that im going to travel to alaska to go live in a bus or anything (it'd be far too cold), i just like some of his ideals and the amount of the world that he got to see.

sad

2009-04-24T19:47:14Z

toby is dead. he died last saturday/sunday. we thought he was run over but he had no marks on him and he wasnt found near a road so we think he had a heart attack. i dont know whether heart attacks are painful for cats.
i havn't seen the body and i am so so sad. i dont quite know what to do. i was looking forward to him being able to live with me again in a few months.

a little late but...

2009-04-18T20:37:33Z

today ana and i went into town and picked up the photos from our holiday in edinburgh. wait a minute! you cry....edinburgh?! when did that happen?
to tell the truth...last thursday. it is an absolute disgrace that i havn't mentioned it previously but life seemed to have gotten in the way somewhat. so here we go...

i started my morning ridiculously early as i had to swing by ryhope to pick up my pills. on the way back i went into town to purchase three disposable cameras (one for jaz, ana and myself) and stopped by this portable peting zoo thing that was inexplicably outside of burger king (a position which i thought was unfortunate). it was surrounded by the usual clutch of small children and fathers mutterring "lamb chops!" with a certain degree of glee. either way there was a horse, goats, lambs, pigs, evil chicks and bunnies. the lambs were very sweet and came up to nibble my jeans. entirely cute.

theres nothing special to report on the journey. we stopped off in newcastle to get a subway and stock up on train snacks and then sat on a spookily deserted train for an hour and a half. what sucked was that, since there were five of us, i had to sit marginally behind everyone else in order to let the couples sit together. nevertheless, i became engrossed in yes man and soon we were in edinburgh.

the city is very beautiful and divided into two parts. we were staying in the older part in a lovely hostel. everyone was very freindly (and inexplicably austrailian) and our room was comfy. it was made up of nine pairs of bunk beds which was fun. it reminded me of school camp. my bed was called hudson which i thought was nift, it being the name of my ex (in both senses; he died recently) headmaster.

after unpacking we wandered around for a little while. we saw lots of lovely things including a huge evil obelisk, the view of the castle and a meat stall which proclaimed its wares to be "well hung and tender".

afterwards we had dinner in an adequate but not entirely special restaurant called garfunkles and then went on a ghost tour.

the tour was rather good. for £10 we got to take a tour of the streets of the city that used to be covered in shit and plague victims. we also went to a church where i was accused of being a witch and was almost burned to death with a lighter (lent to the tour guide by my housemate, i might add). afterwards we got to tour the vaults (which were discovered when a student accidentally knocked down one of his walls). these were very cool, dark and creepy and full of stories of the watchman, people who came down to escape the fire and ended up with their flesh congealing together and, of course, the big evil circle. this was supposedly a circle of stones which contained masses of negative angry spirit energy and the tour guide wouldnt go near it. as soon as she left i practically dove into the centre and stood like the great big defiant sceptic that i am. the next day i came out in a rash.

we retired to the hostel to play cards in the lounge. no one could quite get the hang of grannies rummy which was a shame but we still had fun till we got back to the room. there we were bombarded by an appallingly bad snoring man and his backup snorechestra and none of us got more than an hours sleep. in the morning i was confronted by the sight of a huge naked canadian woman who seemed to have waited till i was awake to whip all her clothes off.

slightly disgruntled, we wandered through town to get on with some hardcore shopping. this was, by the way, for ana's birthday. i ended up buying a small bottle of 48% whiskey, a dram glass, some cheese, shortbread and a haggis. i also bought my grandfather some edinburgh rock to cheer him up since he's been in hospital for the past two months.
the shopping experience was nothing really to write home about. so i wont.

we were all exhausted by the end of the trip and went back to the hostel to have a nap before going out for ana's birthday meal and a night out. unfortunately, due to the lengthy wait which we would have to endure, we didnt go to the hard rock cafe as we had planned but instead went to this amazing mexican place which had the loveliest waitress. she was shy and birdlike and very very sweet so we tipped her more than we should have and headed to wetherspoons.

unfortunately jaz had neglected to bring any id with her so she was actually escorted off the premises and promised to catch us up in the next place. she didnt. nevertheless, ana, jon and i went to some awesome places including a somewhere that played none stop classic cheese. we ended up in a place called shanghai which was an underground urban club reminiscent of the one in save the last dance. luckily no one was shot and it was fun to do a bit of booty shaking on a packed dancefloor. the great thing was that we had no hope of getting to the bar so we ended up leaving reasonably sober and were free from fuzzy-headedness in the morning.

the next day we decided to do the touristy thing and started by having a picnic in the park. luckily the weather held up and i swear my entire knee was warmed by the sun at one point. throughout the entire holiday i was reluctant to take my coat off and welcomed the summery feel the park was beautiful (like the rest of edinburgh) and despite the revolting sandwich i had bought i enjoyed myself.

we then walked over to the castle. unfortunately, although we stopped at the camera obscura (which is sort of like a museum of cameras and optical illusions, holograms etc) we decided not to go in because jaz had spent too much money and resented paying to get in.
we also looked round the whiskey factory gift shop for a while before ana got bored and made us leave.

the castle was awesome. i've actually been before but i love looking at historical stuff. we qued for two hours and played i spy in the line till we eventually were left to run riot through the grounds. so we went to the cafe where i procured a piece of millionnaires shortbread and a hot chocolate wich contained a shot of whiskey so strong it made my eyes water. jaz and i then had a blazing row over whether £1.70 constituted a rip off for a cup of tea of not. i think it's reasonable and i didnt like how, just because of that and the fact that she had to dunk the bag in the water all by her lonesome, she wrote horrible and juvenile things in the response forms. it annoys me how theres this incredible place that's open to the public and its not appreciated.
talking of non-appreciation, i dont think the others had a great time on the grounds. i really enjoyed looking round everything, especially the dog cemetary, the canons (ana and i sang "cannons to the left of me cannons to the right, here i am, stuck in the middle with you" a couple of times before it got boring), the lion statue outside the war memorial and the crown jewels. i thought the stone of destiny was particularly interesting. it was awesome to think that every monarch in scotland and now in england has been coronated on that stone, making it the biggest and most important heritage object the country has. and it doesnt even sparkle.

after the castle we meandered through the streets looking at the interesting shops. there was one which sold medieval weaponry. i was very tempted but they pointed out that i probably wouldnt be able to take a sword back on the train. we also found mini bagpipes and a cd which played babgpipe versions of rock/metal songs. bizzarre.

on the way back we ran into a street magician who amused me terribly. looking back, i cant think why. he was crude, foul mouthed and, at times, innapropriate. but...he did it all with such charm and audacity....he was totally worth half an hour of our time.

we had dinner that night in pizza hut where we were ushered, rather dubiously, down the staris which led to the toilets. luckily we were able to eat from cleaner bowls as the stairs led to a smaller, intimate little eating room. i surpassed myself by eating a salad bowl with everything and a pizza. i was then bullied into pudding and, due to the lovelyness of the waitress and the fact that my pancakes didnt have the fruit on that they were supposed to, we all got a free ice cream factory. we all waddled out of the restaurant and back to the hostel.

ana, jon and i then went to an awesome bar called the tron which had chuck norris jokes on the blackboards (my personal favourites were 'chuck norris counted to infinity...twice' and 'chuck norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle'). jon then left us for an early night and we found ourselves set loose in the big city. a tip for the ladies. if you happen to see any brazilians, dont blow kisses at them. they will inevitably come up and try to grind with you.
the night was a proper ego boost actually. we met guys from brazil, peru, scotland, ireland and somewhere down south near london. it was great fun to get flirted with and we ended up in a place called the hive which is precicely like a nuclear bunker would be if it played classic rock anthems (and lady gaga).
we ended up in a takeaway place trying to convince the person behind the counter that we definately would like a deep fried mars bar but he seemed reluctant to remove everything else from the fryer simply to nuke a chocolate bar for us.

the next day we hit the edinburgh dungeon and that was an experience. i loved the scary boat ride, the ghost effects, the actors pretending to be cannibals and camp soldiers and monks. it was dead scary but in a funny way. till the end...the ride we were on was supposed to be like a hanging. we sat on these bench things and were strapped in and then rose to what seemed about a million feet but was probably ony about 20. and then, after an executioner style speech, we dropped.....and i have never been so terrified in my entire life. after about five minutes of my freinds trying to calm me down however, i felt on top of the world. the entire thing was amazing.

we went back to the hostel and played cards until it was time to hit the train.

and here i am, refreshed and relaxed and very happy to have had a holiday. i really needed it.

highlights included, the chicken in the flowerbox in the hostel, the lady who called me a sexy lady and gave me a lollipop, doing the "a fish a fish a fishy oooh!" actions from monty python and just the sheer vibrancy of the place itself. i would dearly love to go back, hell i'd love to live there. but for now, a holiday is enough.

some degree of control.

2009-04-17T19:37:56Z

well, after several weeks (months?) of being sure i was going to start setting myself up for life in general, i have finally made some forward momentum.

i have spent the morning pretty solidly compiling a manuscript of poetry. i have also started compiling a list of publishers who might be willing to take a look at my stuff. i figure i'll start with the poetry magazines and work my way up from there.

this is all quite exciting, not because i'm inordinately hopeful that my career as the-most-successful-poet-that-ever-lived is about to take off. i am pleased that i'm actually able to persue something which i have meant to have at least started years ago.

anyway, this little secret seed of hope has bouyed me for the day, despite having to walk for 40 minutes to get to a 15 minute group meeting which could, frankly, have been conducted via text.

and now i am sitting half-watching the beach with ana and wishing that i could slip away and play guitar hero.

that is all. when i am not required to be in the lounge i will tell you all about my holiday to edinburgh last weekend. promise. but, spurrd on by a recent reading of 'yes man' i have promised myself that i will accept every offer that comes my way. just in case, you know, it turns out to be fun. but, swear to god, i will chew my own arm off if im required to sit here much longer.

questions from the lady

2009-04-15T19:06:11Z

001. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
002. I will respond by asking you ANY five questions of a very intimate and creepily personal nature. Or not so creepy/personal.
003. You WILL update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
004. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the post.
005. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

1. Why are we not IM friends yet?
2. What do you hope to be doing in five years?
3. What's the best thing about sex with girls?
4. What's the best thing about sex with boys?
5. What do you admire most about your mother?
6. (since 1 was really just me whining) If you could get hired as a writer on any Joss Whedon project (even if it meant resurrect a canceled one), which one would you choose?

1. that's easily sorted. i have msn?

2. i had wanted to be a train driver but my mental health record wont allow it. hopefully, whatever i end up doing, i'll be happy. i hope to do something around publishing or teaching. either way, i'll probably get my own stapler.

3. i think it was jeannette winterson (in gut symmetries) who wrote that same sex sex is more intimate because it's like connecting with the other half of a mirror reflection. taken in the right way this is true (and not mastabatory at all!) although you definately need to be with the right person.

4. the lack of cuddles after. i prefer to be able to fall asleep afterwards.

5. i admire her strength. she has made a hell of a lot of mistakes in her life and she's managed to completely turn her life around. i think it must have been hard for her to deal with my father. she took a back seat to the affairs of south africa (pre and post-apartheid politics) and raised both me and my autistic brother pretty much single handedly. i admire her for being able to amicably break free from a relationship that wasnt working and be able to move herself and two children to a completely different country and still be able to create a life for us all. plus putting up with me the couple of times i've gone off the rails. i have nothing but respect for her.
on a side note, i love that she and i share a fondness for silly, kitche home furnishings. other people think we're mad.

6. joss whedon had a british based show in the pipeline. it was about giles (called ripper) and has never been actualised. in my head he's working with the coven from season seven of buffy, rehabilitating errant witches. i would love to work on the pilot. i always imagined amy being brought in and coming face to face with a vampire. obviously she would panic and turn it into a rat. i think the idea of little undead rodents running around the sewers causing mayhem is amusing (and a decent metaphor for disease).

after uni plans

2009-04-06T19:46:09Z

the end of uni is drawing ever closer and, as previously stated, i am nervous about what comes next.
ana and jon have asked me to move in with them in northampton which is an idea that excited me greatly. although it is almost too far south to be tolerated, it is a £4 coach trip into london and could be a useful stepping stone, especially with an easy commute to various places.
the only thing im worried about is our ability to find a place. ana seems to think that we'll be able to move into a place by september which means ill have to move back in with my family from july till then. this is fine if i find a temporary job but im worried about having to go so far down south to have a look, especially since i wont have all that long. we will have to organise lots of viewings for that week.
i also worry about our ability to find a place with a room big anough for ana and jon which will also allow me to have toby. if we cant find a place it means that ill have to leave him with my family and he'll be less of my cat than he is now. i definately dont want this, especially since he means so much to me. he was really my only constant source of affection when i lived with deb and i love him. i also feel that i should take responsibility for him, having bought him and all.

if we find a place that meets all of our criteria though, ill be overjoyed. i had planned on finding a one bedroomed apartment in newcastle but living with freinds would be much better for me, particularly on the social side. it'd mean less time on my own which i know i would do if i lived by myself. and it would definately be exciting to see someplace different.

hopefully we'll get something sorted, ill keep you updated. its nice to have some kind of plan for after uni, however vague it is at the minute. it beats having to go back to yorkshire, especially since things with a couple of the people i know from back there are strained after my previous visit.

it will be, well, painful to leave some of my freinds who live up in sunderland but i suppose i have to move on at somepoint. this is not a good place for me, both career wise and emotionally. it's too close to deb, too incestuous to avoid dyke drama and to far sunk in the recession to establish myself in anything beneficial.
as much as i dont want to leave, im looking forward to having a next step to take.